Ups and downs

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There is absolutely no point in crying over something that could happen. But the feeling of loss -even through I haven't lost anything yet, is so overwhelming I can't hold my tears.
I know what you said, and I know every tiny second I can spend with you, every minute I can think "he must care a little about me", is a gift. A poisoned gift, but I don't care. I'm always the one speaking about what will happen after. This time I don't want to know, I don't want to think about it. But even without thinking it, I feel it. And that's painful.
I live in fear of a moment I know will come.

You won't read this and I won't tell you. You've got "real problems" and I don't want you to have to bear an insecure childish girlfriend.
I just would like you to know that I love you.

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